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Friday the 13th
I spent most of the day not looking at my phone, which is a rarity. My device was severed from me and I was better for it. Probably because of this I wasn’t consciously thinking of the calendar date. I am only superstitious over numbers. 11:11, my sister texted me that day. Still, I didn’t think about the day. I didn’t even think about it when I asked someone if they were superstitious. Everything was ok. In fact, it was good.
The only arc of progress I believe in is that you just get closer to knowing what you deserve, Annie texts me on Saturday the 14th. She’s right. It took only a day and a year to realize I accepted treatment that I didn’t deserve. And she says this too: once you have this realization, you can never go back. It’s liberating and damning.
It’s a stroke of luck to be released from the things you once wanted so badly. I used to think this was the natural cycle of things: You wanted something until you didn’t anymore. Then an absence of want was created. Over the last week, I realized that isn’t true. Wanting one thing is replaced by wanting something else. And how many times this has saved my life.
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